Things you shouldn't say to an infertile woman

Just a thought for those of you that may not know what to say...these are things that are super hurtful to women (me) with my comments


10 Things You Should Not Say to a Friend Experiencing Infertility 
1. Pregnant yet? If your friend is pregnant, she'll tell you when she's ready. Don't keep asking her how it's going. Let her tell you in her own time. (seriously?!? why would you ask me that?)
2. It could be worse. To a couple who wants children, it really can't be worse. (we've done worse already, feeling like less of a woman because I can't conceive a child is the worst I've ever felt)
3. Haven't you done enough? It is up to your friend to determine when enough is enough. (really?!? who are you God?)
4. Focus on the other parts of your life. This is really tough for a woman with infertility problems to do. For some women, her desire for a child becomes her life. (what other part of my life? I've wanted to be a mother since I was 14 years old)
5. Think of all the fun things you can do if you don't have children. If the couple didn't want children, they would not be going to the trouble they are to have them. (ummm...really? insensitive much?)
6. How much is this costing you? This is none of your business! (how much is your mortgage, how much did you pay for that crappy haircut, really how RUDE!)
7. Are you sure you chose the best doctor? Don't question your friend's medical choice unless she asks your opinion. (who are you to determine that? At least I'm a nurse!)
8. Just relax. Infertility is a medical condition, not a psychological one. (Relax?  pretty sure sperm has to meet egg, that's a pretty intense process and that has to be some sort of activity that precedes sperm meeting egg)
9. You can always adopt. The couple already knows this. They are going through the expense and trouble of infertility treatments because that is the path they have chosen. At some point they may consider adoption, but not now. (so because we're having trouble having a baby that means that we don't deserve to have a biological child of our own?)
10. When my friend couldn't get pregnant... Your friend doesn't need to hear what worked for other people. Her efforts to conceive are hers alone. (don't care what your friend did, did she have Hashimoto's disease, endometriosis, and Rheumatoid arthritis?  didn't think so, whatever it is, I've probably tried it anyway)


http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/10-things-never-friend-coping-infertility-192700548.html

Starting another cycle and feeling rather down

I was so hopeful that it would be our turn!  We had some amazing 'practice' sessions, my body seems to be working much better now and I was so relaxed through this cycle.

I don't feel as disappointed as I did last month, but I still feel like crying and still wish that I was in fact carrying Matt's kiddo.

July 14th

This is a day I remember well.  I was just getting up for the day, realized that I was one day late and thought to myself I wonder if I'm pregnant.  Probably not, for the last 18 months I have taken pregnancy tests and they have always been negative so I got up, went to the bathroom and didn't test.  I ended up falling back asleep and had a dream that I would have a positive pregnancy test, I woke up shortly after that and decided to try it.  Now you're supposed to have at least a 4 hour hold before you use a home pregnancy test and I think I had maybe an hour.  I got up, took out a pregnancy test pee on it and slowly watch the two pink lines show up.  I'm pretty sure the first words out of my mouth were 'oh shit'.  I tried calling Matt to have him come home and he guessed right away.  He ended up coming over to the OR as I was getting to work so he could hug me and see how I was doing.  I called my mom and my dad and told them and they were so excited!  I remember even at the time something just didn't feel right and I thought it was just because I had never been pregnant before.  Turns out my instincts are rarely wrong and I just need to listen to them more often!

This year on this day I got up, thought to myself it's too early to test and see if I am pregnant or not and then Matt and I went down to Boulder to shop for a bit.  I don't feel bitter anymore, just sad.  My prayer is always that God will bless us with a baby that we can take home and raise.

Our sermon this morning was on rest, do you find your rest in God or are you constantly trying to do just one more thing because you think it will make God happy?  I remember after I miscarried that I couldn't find rest and I couldn't talk to God because I was so sad, I felt like a zombie going through the motions and waiting for the pain to stop.  It has taken me several months to learn how to cry out to God and pour out myself at His feet, but here I am just a week past ovulation crying out to God praying that our timing this month was good and that in a few days He will bless us with good news.

"Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28

On this day

On this day one year ago I conceived a son that I carried for 8 weeks.  I found out shortly after my birthday (my most favorite day of the year) that I was indeed pregnant.  This year on this day I find out that I am indeed not pregnant...again for the 25th month.  I watch my friends get pregnant fairly easily and wonder what's wrong with me?  Why don't I get to carry a baby to term and hold them in my arms?  What did I do wrong?  Do I not pray hard enough?  Do my tears mean nothing to God?  Am I failing some sort of test that God is putting me through?  Do I need to give up this dream of being a mother?  I don't know the answers to any of those questions but what I know is this...I'm struggling to have faith in God right now and I don't know what to do.  I cry out to God because my heart hurts so much and pray for healing and it doesn't come.  I cry out and pray for answers and they don't come.  I don't know what I'm doing wrong, why my prayers seem to go no where and why this pain just won't leave.

I don't want to celebrate my birthday this year, I don't want to do anything anymore.  I am so sad and no one really understands.  All of my friends here are either pregnant or have children.  Do you know how hard it is to pretend to be excited when yet another friend tells you that they are pregnant and then to watch their belly grow knowing as you look down at your own that there is nothing in there

Mother's Day

This year on Mother's Day I was supposed to be holding my son and celebrating my first Mother's Day.  Well not this year I guess :(  This year on Mother's Day I will be celebrating my mother, my sister, my sister-in-law, and my living grandmother and the grandmother I miss so much.

Today I received a wonderful card from a dear friend telling me that she is praying for me this Mother's Day and even though I don't get to hold my son it doesn't make me any less of a mother.  I can't express how much that card meant to me.  I don't feel much like a mother, I feel like I try and try and still nothing happens.

My prayer for myself is that I would find peace with what God wants for me.  That if not carrying my own children is part of God's plan that I would be ok with that and that if being a mother is not in God's will that I will be ok with that too.

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers whether you have carried babies only for a little while and hold those babies in your heart or you are blessed to carry those babies in your arms.

It's Always Darkest Before the Dawn

And it's hard to dance with the devil on your back so shake him off...

-Florence and the Machine

There are days when you feel as if someone is sitting on your shoulder making everything go wrong for you.  No matter what you do it seems as if everything is going wrong.  Well that was my week last week. No matter what I did everything was wrong.  I heard this song and thought to myself, how true, when the devil is on your back...it's so hard to dance so shake him off!

Our sermon yesterday was about praising God through your storm and even though last week felt like a storm it's nothing compared to what some people encounter everyday.  I shook off the devil and I danced today and I praised God for being able to 'dance' through the storm.

As I am going through this journey of becoming of mommy there are days when I feel like no matter what I do I will never be able to shake off the devil and finally 'dance' as a mommy.  I feel in my heart of hearts that being a mommy is God's will for me but that it's just going to be in God's time and not when I think it should happen.  That PATIENCE word again...ugh!

Here goes nothing, here's to another cycle where once again Matt and I 'practice' because as you know, practice makes perfect :)

Keep Practicing

I got a phone call from my brother today, he was telling me about how a patient's wife that he's treating came in and they were visiting a bit after her husband's session well it turns out that she has RA too!  She also had trouble conceiving and now has two healthy boys.  He says, 'I hope you see this as a story of hope, keep practicing'.

I feel so blessed that my family is praying for Matt and I as we walk along this journey of trying to have a baby.  I never dreamed that it would be so difficult or so painful, but God made me a fighter and until God closes all the doors for Matt and I to be parents we will pursue and continue exploring all of our options to have children.  Today I feel more hope than I have in a long time that God will bless us with children and until the time comes we'll just 'keep practicing' and enjoying each other!