October 15, 2011

Unexpected visitors are the best! Mom and Dad came in September. I needed my mom and dad this week while I'm still grieving the loss of our baby. Not so much that I needed my mom to help me grieve but I needed to know that it's still ok for me to grieve. I needed to be a daughter this week that is comforted by my mom and dad because being an adult sucks sometimes. As I make my way through this process I find that I trust in God's plan for my life. As difficult as that is to say and to follow I know that God has a plan for my life that may or may not include children that I give birth to. God knows the desires of my heart and I know that His plan is perfect.

I had made a list of things that I wanted to accomplish before my parents came, not knowing that they were coming, things that need to be done a couple times a year like wiping down walls, dusting the mopboards, cleaning windows and screens, and washing out trashcans...yes washing out the receptacles that contain trash. My mother added to this list cleaning out my cupboards and my fridge, little did she know that this had been on the 'things to do before the baby comes' list. I suppose like mother like daughter :)

I enjoyed talking to my mom about some of her favorite Psalms. I kept thinking that she had said Psalm 91 and while I was waiting for my mother to text back I was reading Psalm 91. I found these verses: Psalms 91: 1-2: He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, 'my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust!'

So even in my sorrow my God is taking care of me. When I'm feeling out of control in my life, my God is putting me right where I need to be...with Him! What a great and mighty God we serve!

My mom finally texted me back and said Psalm 92 so I read that one too. Psalm 92: 1-2 (seems like a theme eh?) 'It is good to give thanks to the Lord and to sing praises to Your name, O Most High; to declare your lovingkindness in the morning and your faithfulness by night, with the ten-stringed lute and with the harp with resounding music upon the lyre. For you, O Lord, have made me glad by what you have done, I will sing for joy at the works of your hands'

I'm getting to the point where I can give thanks to God for small things in my life even though I hurt I praise God for the sun shining, for the rain, for the snow, for having a job, for my current health, for the difficulties in my life because God has used them to bring me closer to Him. I now know without any doubt that God is bigger than my uterus!
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