Things you shouldn't say to an infertile woman

July 24, 2012

Just a thought for those of you that may not know what to say...these are things that are super hurtful to women (me) with my comments

10 Things You Should Not Say to a Friend Experiencing Infertility 
1. Pregnant yet? If your friend is pregnant, she'll tell you when she's ready. Don't keep asking her how it's going. Let her tell you in her own time. (seriously?!? why would you ask me that?)
2. It could be worse. To a couple who wants children, it really can't be worse. (we've done worse already, feeling like less of a woman because I can't conceive a child is the worst I've ever felt)
3. Haven't you done enough? It is up to your friend to determine when enough is enough. (really?!? who are you God?)
4. Focus on the other parts of your life. This is really tough for a woman with infertility problems to do. For some women, her desire for a child becomes her life. (what other part of my life? I've wanted to be a mother since I was 14 years old)
5. Think of all the fun things you can do if you don't have children. If the couple didn't want children, they would not be going to the trouble they are to have them. (ummm...really? insensitive much?)
6. How much is this costing you? This is none of your business! (how much is your mortgage, how much did you pay for that crappy haircut, really how RUDE!)
7. Are you sure you chose the best doctor? Don't question your friend's medical choice unless she asks your opinion. (who are you to determine that? At least I'm a nurse!)
8. Just relax. Infertility is a medical condition, not a psychological one. (Relax?  pretty sure sperm has to meet egg, that's a pretty intense process and that has to be some sort of activity that precedes sperm meeting egg)
9. You can always adopt. The couple already knows this. They are going through the expense and trouble of infertility treatments because that is the path they have chosen. At some point they may consider adoption, but not now. (so because we're having trouble having a baby that means that we don't deserve to have a biological child of our own?)
10. When my friend couldn't get pregnant... Your friend doesn't need to hear what worked for other people. Her efforts to conceive are hers alone. (don't care what your friend did, did she have Hashimoto's disease, endometriosis, and Rheumatoid arthritis?  didn't think so, whatever it is, I've probably tried it anyway)

Starting another cycle and feeling rather down

July 24, 2012

I was so hopeful that it would be our turn!  We had some amazing 'practice' sessions, my body seems to be working much better now and I was so relaxed through this cycle.

I don't feel as disappointed as I did last month, but I still feel like crying and still wish that I was in fact carrying Matt's kiddo.

July 14th

July 15, 2012

This is a day I remember well.  I was just getting up for the day, realized that I was one day late and thought to myself I wonder if I'm pregnant.  Probably not, for the last 18 months I have taken pregnancy tests and they have always been negative so I got up, went to the bathroom and didn't test.  I ended up falling back asleep and had a dream that I would have a positive pregnancy test, I woke up shortly after that and decided to try it.  Now you're supposed to have at least a 4 hour hold before you use a home pregnancy test and I think I had maybe an hour.  I got up, took out a pregnancy test pee on it and slowly watch the two pink lines show up.  I'm pretty sure the first words out of my mouth were 'oh shit'.  I tried calling Matt to have him come home and he guessed right away.  He ended up coming over to the OR as I was getting to work so he could hug me and see how I was doing.  I called my mom and my dad and told them and they were so excited!  I remember even at the time something just didn't feel right and I thought it was just because I had never been pregnant before.  Turns out my instincts are rarely wrong and I just need to listen to them more often!

This year on this day I got up, thought to myself it's too early to test and see if I am pregnant or not and then Matt and I went down to Boulder to shop for a bit.  I don't feel bitter anymore, just sad.  My prayer is always that God will bless us with a baby that we can take home and raise.

Our sermon this morning was on rest, do you find your rest in God or are you constantly trying to do just one more thing because you think it will make God happy?  I remember after I miscarried that I couldn't find rest and I couldn't talk to God because I was so sad, I felt like a zombie going through the motions and waiting for the pain to stop.  It has taken me several months to learn how to cry out to God and pour out myself at His feet, but here I am just a week past ovulation crying out to God praying that our timing this month was good and that in a few days He will bless us with good news.

"Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28
Proudly designed by Mlekoshi playground