July 14th

July 15, 2012

This is a day I remember well.  I was just getting up for the day, realized that I was one day late and thought to myself I wonder if I'm pregnant.  Probably not, for the last 18 months I have taken pregnancy tests and they have always been negative so I got up, went to the bathroom and didn't test.  I ended up falling back asleep and had a dream that I would have a positive pregnancy test, I woke up shortly after that and decided to try it.  Now you're supposed to have at least a 4 hour hold before you use a home pregnancy test and I think I had maybe an hour.  I got up, took out a pregnancy test pee on it and slowly watch the two pink lines show up.  I'm pretty sure the first words out of my mouth were 'oh shit'.  I tried calling Matt to have him come home and he guessed right away.  He ended up coming over to the OR as I was getting to work so he could hug me and see how I was doing.  I called my mom and my dad and told them and they were so excited!  I remember even at the time something just didn't feel right and I thought it was just because I had never been pregnant before.  Turns out my instincts are rarely wrong and I just need to listen to them more often!

This year on this day I got up, thought to myself it's too early to test and see if I am pregnant or not and then Matt and I went down to Boulder to shop for a bit.  I don't feel bitter anymore, just sad.  My prayer is always that God will bless us with a baby that we can take home and raise.

Our sermon this morning was on rest, do you find your rest in God or are you constantly trying to do just one more thing because you think it will make God happy?  I remember after I miscarried that I couldn't find rest and I couldn't talk to God because I was so sad, I felt like a zombie going through the motions and waiting for the pain to stop.  It has taken me several months to learn how to cry out to God and pour out myself at His feet, but here I am just a week past ovulation crying out to God praying that our timing this month was good and that in a few days He will bless us with good news.

"Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28


  1. Sending thoughts and prayers your way! Praying for your rainbow baby! I hate that we had to meet through this devastating journey but so glad I have wonderful women whom I can support and who can support me. Sending hugs to you!

  2. Someday soon you are going to have a new memory to replace this one with. I hope the day you see those two pink lines comes soon. Those milestone dates are never easy. ((HUGS))

  3. I know your beautiful rainbow baby is coming. You will have another post where you get a BFP on a test, heart the heartbeat on the ultrasound, see the pic, find out if you are having a boy or a girl, baby showers, delivery, and bringing home your new bundle. It's coming Elizabeth!!


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