Things you shouldn't say to an infertile woman

July 24, 2012

Just a thought for those of you that may not know what to say...these are things that are super hurtful to women (me) with my comments

10 Things You Should Not Say to a Friend Experiencing Infertility 
1. Pregnant yet? If your friend is pregnant, she'll tell you when she's ready. Don't keep asking her how it's going. Let her tell you in her own time. (seriously?!? why would you ask me that?)
2. It could be worse. To a couple who wants children, it really can't be worse. (we've done worse already, feeling like less of a woman because I can't conceive a child is the worst I've ever felt)
3. Haven't you done enough? It is up to your friend to determine when enough is enough. (really?!? who are you God?)
4. Focus on the other parts of your life. This is really tough for a woman with infertility problems to do. For some women, her desire for a child becomes her life. (what other part of my life? I've wanted to be a mother since I was 14 years old)
5. Think of all the fun things you can do if you don't have children. If the couple didn't want children, they would not be going to the trouble they are to have them. (ummm...really? insensitive much?)
6. How much is this costing you? This is none of your business! (how much is your mortgage, how much did you pay for that crappy haircut, really how RUDE!)
7. Are you sure you chose the best doctor? Don't question your friend's medical choice unless she asks your opinion. (who are you to determine that? At least I'm a nurse!)
8. Just relax. Infertility is a medical condition, not a psychological one. (Relax?  pretty sure sperm has to meet egg, that's a pretty intense process and that has to be some sort of activity that precedes sperm meeting egg)
9. You can always adopt. The couple already knows this. They are going through the expense and trouble of infertility treatments because that is the path they have chosen. At some point they may consider adoption, but not now. (so because we're having trouble having a baby that means that we don't deserve to have a biological child of our own?)
10. When my friend couldn't get pregnant... Your friend doesn't need to hear what worked for other people. Her efforts to conceive are hers alone. (don't care what your friend did, did she have Hashimoto's disease, endometriosis, and Rheumatoid arthritis?  didn't think so, whatever it is, I've probably tried it anyway)


  1. I think you speak for all fertility challenged women on that one!

  2. Hey, I've really enjoyed reading your blog. Thanks for letting me and others into your life by sharing what you have :)
    I'm glad no one has said these things to me...yet! lol
    Looking forward to reading your journey and praying for child for you...and me!

  3. I got it from a website, I stuck it at the bottom of my post :) I have actually had several 'friends' say these things to me!

  4. So sorry hun! I have been told many of these things as well!

  5. LOL - I think I have something similar posted somewhere too!!


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