Mother's Day

May 11, 2012

This year on Mother's Day I was supposed to be holding my son and celebrating my first Mother's Day.  Well not this year I guess :(  This year on Mother's Day I will be celebrating my mother, my sister, my sister-in-law, and my living grandmother and the grandmother I miss so much.

Today I received a wonderful card from a dear friend telling me that she is praying for me this Mother's Day and even though I don't get to hold my son it doesn't make me any less of a mother.  I can't express how much that card meant to me.  I don't feel much like a mother, I feel like I try and try and still nothing happens.

My prayer for myself is that I would find peace with what God wants for me.  That if not carrying my own children is part of God's plan that I would be ok with that and that if being a mother is not in God's will that I will be ok with that too.

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers whether you have carried babies only for a little while and hold those babies in your heart or you are blessed to carry those babies in your arms.

It's Always Darkest Before the Dawn

May 7, 2012

And it's hard to dance with the devil on your back so shake him off...

-Florence and the Machine

There are days when you feel as if someone is sitting on your shoulder making everything go wrong for you.  No matter what you do it seems as if everything is going wrong.  Well that was my week last week. No matter what I did everything was wrong.  I heard this song and thought to myself, how true, when the devil is on your's so hard to dance so shake him off!

Our sermon yesterday was about praising God through your storm and even though last week felt like a storm it's nothing compared to what some people encounter everyday.  I shook off the devil and I danced today and I praised God for being able to 'dance' through the storm.

As I am going through this journey of becoming of mommy there are days when I feel like no matter what I do I will never be able to shake off the devil and finally 'dance' as a mommy.  I feel in my heart of hearts that being a mommy is God's will for me but that it's just going to be in God's time and not when I think it should happen.  That PATIENCE word again...ugh!

Here goes nothing, here's to another cycle where once again Matt and I 'practice' because as you know, practice makes perfect :)
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