3 years 8/10/11

September 7, 2014

I give myself this day to grieve every year because well...I can.

Miscarriage took a part of me away.  The part of me that felt a deep sense of compassion for people was badly damaged and I wasn't sure it could be repaired.  As I reflect on what was the most horrible day of my life to date I know this: God's timing is perfect.  God brought the perfect man (don't tell him I said perfect) to be my husband because He knew I would lose our first baby.  God brought me a man that even though he tends to be slightly aloof, he has the perfect soft spot for me.  God gave me a man that held me as the sobs racked my body.  He held me as I screamed at God for taking our child.  He held me as I slept because I only felt 'safe' with Matt.  He held me as I tried to find the light of day again.  He held me when the tears were dry but the sadness carried on.  God gave me the perfect man for me.

So today as I reflect on what it was like to carry a child for only a little while, I'm grateful.  Grateful to God for trusting me with our baby.  I'm grateful that our child only knew love, our child never knew pain, never knew hunger and our baby is now at the feet of Jesus to spend all eternity.  We will see our baby again on the day we get to go home to Jesus.

So as I grieved on the day I miscarried a baby I believed was a boy, I picked up my sweet son and held him close, kissed his head, told him how much I loved him, and praised God for giving us this baby to love and raise.  I pray that Matt and I would lead Liam to Christ and that Liam would become a strong man of God.

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