Heartbreak

Today marks 6 months since I miscarried our son.  Today is also would have been my grandmothers 93rd birthday.  I am finding today that I wish I could just talk to Grandma for 10 minutes.  Just to hear her say, 'It's going to be alright'.  I know in my head that God will always provide for my needs and I trust that that is true.  My heart is taking a little longer to catch up though.  Today as I was driving back from Ft. Collins I was listening to two songs and tears came to my eyes as I heard God's promises through them.  The first song was 'I Will Rise' by Chris Tomlin.  I'm not a Chris Tomlin fan but I love this song.


This is the chorus:
And I will rise when He calls my name 
No more sorrow, no more pain 
I will rise on eagles' wings 
Before my God fall on my knees 
And rise 
I will rise 


Some day when I get to heaven there will be no more sorrow and no more pain.  I will have a new shiny body that doesn't hurt and doesn't swell and I will meet my son.  Until then I have the promise to stand on.


The other song I was listening to was 'Praise You in This Storm' by Casting Crowns.  I loved this song when it first came out, but after my miscarriage this song took on a whole new meaning.


I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

[Chorus x2]

This song reminds me that even when I am in the midst of a storm, God is still with me.  Even when I feel like God has left me He's with me and I CAN praise Him through this storm and I CAN lift my hands because He has never left me.