Anniversaries sometimes suck

August 14, 2013

August 10th a date that will forever be etched in my mind.  The first year was the hardest as I relieved the experience.  This year I spent the day with my mom.  We went and got pedicures at my favorite place and we talked a bit about the time I was pregnant with Jeremiah and what it felt like to to lose him.

I've learned several things throughout the last two years
  1. It's ok to be angry with God, He already knows you're angry so you may as well tell Him
  2. People don't understand what it's like to go through a loss an what it feels like in your heart
  3. I lost some compassion for others who don't understand what it's like
  4. Infertility is so much harder than going through a loss (in my opinion).  With a loss you can comprehend it.  With infertility there is no answer and you may never have your own biological baby.
  5. I am very envious of women who seem to get pregnant easily
  6. I wish I still was naive about pregnancy and getting pregnant
  7. I am very blessed by the man God chose for me to marry.  No man walks a journey of infertility and loss if he truly doesn't want to be there
  8. There is a wealth of information about infertility and how to get pregnant through infertility
  9. I don't regret our decision to try IVF
  10. I feel as if I am stronger than I was before the loss and dealing with infertility.
  11. Never in my life have a I worked as hard as I have trying to get pregnant and stay pregnant
  12. I lost much of my modesty through infertility treatments
  13. I now know more about my body and how it works than I had ever wanted to know
  14. Infertility boards and miscarriage boards are great...for awhile.  There comes a time where you have to walk away and not live your life on the internet.
  15. I have met a ton of women who have gone through similar things as me and have been able to help them through their loss as women I know helped me through mine
  16. I will see Jeremiah again, and I look forward to that day...I just hope it's not too soon so I can raise the baby I'm carrying.
  17. I have learned how to find God in every situation and every moment of my day.
  18. I have finally learned out to seek out God.
  19. God brought specific people into my life to comfort me while I was grieving.  I'm so thankful for my mom, even though she had never gone through the loss of a child (and I hope she never does) she comforted me 
  20. I'm so thankful for the prayers I have received over the last two years. 


  1. Well said and very valid thoughts/feelings. I am so hopeful that this pregnancy will be as wonderful as you deserve. Your Jeremiah will be waiting for you when you get there, and you'll all be together again. Until then, I'm sure he'll be watching over you, your husband, and this new baby.

  2. Sounds like God is doing and has already done big things! Standing in faith and believing that He has you on this journey for a reason!

  3. #4- Yep. I agree. Loss it extremely painful, but at least we can define it as a point in time, even if it's something we still deal with again and again as the memories arise. However, infertility itself is not something we can define, compartmentalize or describe as one incident. It's just a seemingly never ending journey riddled with questions, learning experiences, and more questions.

    I'm sorry for this anniversary for you Elizabeth. I hope that being pregnant now, seeing that beautiful baby born and grow throughout the years will continue to replace feeling of sadness that still remain from your loss.


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