Marriage

I don't claim to be a marriage expert but here is what I do know:

Don't speak poorly about your spouse in front of others...especially on facebook!  It's so hurtful and issues that you are dealing with in your marriage are just that...issues IN your marriage not outside of your marriage.  Build him up, don't tear him down.  Unless your spouse is an idiot he will reciprocate

Show your spouse that you care.  If he likes rhubarb crisp...make it for him.  If he takes his lunch to work every day pack it for him.  My husband recently got up at the same time I did to make sure that I had a piece of my birthday cake to take to work with me...because that's what I do for him!

Say thank you.  When he opens the door for you, smile and say thank you.  When he picks you up from work say thank you.  When he brings home your favorite coffee because he knows you're having a bad day...thank him.  Showing appreciation for the little things he does for you builds up your marriage.

Anniversaries sometimes suck

August 10th a date that will forever be etched in my mind.  The first year was the hardest as I relieved the experience.  This year I spent the day with my mom.  We went and got pedicures at my favorite place and we talked a bit about the time I was pregnant with Jeremiah and what it felt like to to lose him.

I've learned several things throughout the last two years

1. It's ok to be angry with God, He already knows you're angry so you may as well tell Him
2. People don't understand what it's like to go through a loss an what it feels like in your heart
3. I lost some compassion for others who don't understand what it's like
4. Infertility is so much harder than going through a loss (in my opinion).  With a loss you can comprehend it.  With infertility there is no answer and you may never have your own biological baby.
5. I am very envious of women who seem to get pregnant easily
6. I wish I still was naive about pregnancy and getting pregnant
7. I am very blessed by the man God chose for me to marry.  No man walks a journey of infertility and loss if he truly doesn't want to be there
8. There is a wealth of information about infertility and how to get pregnant through infertility
9. I don't regret our decision to try IVF
10. I feel as if I am stronger than I was before the loss and dealing with infertility.
11. Never in my life have a I worked as hard as I have trying to get pregnant and stay pregnant
12. I lost much of my modesty through infertility treatments
13. I now know more about my body and how it works than I had ever wanted to know
14. Infertility boards and miscarriage boards are great...for awhile.  There comes a time where you have to walk away and not live your life on the internet.
15. I have met a ton of women who have gone through similar things as me and have been able to help them through their loss as women I know helped me through mine
16. I will see Jeremiah again, and I look forward to that day...I just hope it's not too soon so I can raise the baby I'm carrying.
17. I have learned how to find God in every situation and every moment of my day.
18. I have finally learned out to seek out God.
19. God brought specific people into my life to comfort me while I was grieving.  I'm so thankful for my mom, even though she had never gone through the loss of a child (and I hope she never does) she comforted me 
20. I'm so thankful for the prayers I have received over the last two years. 

So far so good

I got to journey out to Washington state last week in search of a house and a job.  I was able to find both!  We put an offer in on a house and it was accepted!  I interviewed for a job on Friday morning and was offered the job Friday afternoon!  It will be less call overall (5 days in a 6 week cycle).  It is about 20 min away from where we will be living but that's alright.  I have a 30min response time so that will be alright and if I feel like I wouldn't be able to make it they have a sleep room available.

I got to see my Matt for nearly 6 days and it was nice!  It was hard to say goodbye to him but I was eager to get home to my big bed and puppies!

When I got home I thought Jakey was mad at me because he only half smiled.  Then I started watching him a little closer and noticed that his third eyelid was coming up every time he blinked.  It appeared that the left side of his face was not working properly.  I called the vet and we decided that since he was able to eat and drink and didn't appear to be in any distress that it could wait until the morning, but if anything changed that I should call her right away.

I brought my Jakey to the vet and we learned that it could be an inner ear infection.  He cried a lot when she tried to examine his ears (he's never cried during an ear exam).  She tested all his cranial nerves and they were all intact except for one.  She put him on antibiotics for 14 days and 28 days of steroids!  She hit him very hard with steroids.  40mg/day for 7 days and then tapering down after that.  It's a wonder my buddy can sleep!  This is day 5 of antibiotics and steroids and I'm noticing that his lip seems to be functioning a bit better.  He used to have trouble getting his lip out of his teeth and now has no trouble.

I had an ultrasound on Wednesday that was amazing!  I am officially released from my RE!  Our baby has long legs!  Thankfully my doctor makes a video of every visit and I was able to upload it to you tube so Matt could see it.

I'm so in awe of this little life growing inside me.  Each time I see the baby move and see that little heart beat away I praise God.  This child is intimately know by our Father since He began to knit this child together.  Each movement this child makes our Father is aware of.  I'm so in awe that God chose me to be this child's mother.  I pray that I will be a Godly mother and that God will continue to put His desire in my heart to know Him more and to praise Him daily!